Why he isn't the one


One day, you're going to meet a really great guy.

And he won't be the right one for you.

As girls, I think we are given this expectation that once we finally meet that guy, the one who is mature and kind, responsible and funny, we have met 'the one.' The hope we put in this idealized man carries us through all of the boys we deal with - the rude ones, the liars, the frauds.

Is our society so starved for kindness and respectability that any male with those traits who comes along must be the one to fulfill our hopes?

A few years ago, my friends pushed me to go out with one of our mutual friends, because he was 'so great.' And he was, but after several weeks of reluctance from me, I had to let him (and my friends) down. He was sweet and kind and everything girls are told to look for in a guy. Although it just didn't feel right, I felt regretful, as if I was missing out on a rare opportunity.

Politeness should be expected. Someone who opens doors and treats you with respect should not be hailed as a 'great guy.' Someone who has these traits but also shares your ridiculous sense of humor or your passion for the refugee crisis or your love for deep conversations or the ability to keep up with your quick mind – that is a great guy, because perhaps his goodness will go well with yours.

Instead of judging whether you should date someone based on their politeness or kindness (expected but still important traits), we should judge it individually and personally.

So yes, you will probably date guys who are jerks and treat you poorly. You will look back with gratefulness that things didn't work out, and the only regret would be going out with him in the first place. But also don't have regret for when things didn't work out with 'great guys' either. Though at times hard to find, there are enough good guys out there, and whether or not they're the one for you?

That's for you to decide.


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Hi, I'm Robin!

Welcome to This Vast Life, a personal blog about living naturally and holistically. 

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